Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Hmm...

For whatever bizarre reasons that i don't even know, I've been confronted by this question lately --> "How many times do you need to get hurt for you to know it's time to let go and move on?" And i just answered them either in a joke manner that's actually a nonsense answer or i would only flashed a smile and says "I don't know, you tell me. You seemed to be the expert when it comes to love... Hahaha" And so I've wisely freed myself from answering it without them noticing it. And so turned the focus on somebody else's answer... Lol Wheww! ;-)
But today after reading sorta same question again on Love Quote in Facebook and with quite a number of people who gave their opinion about it, I've finally decided to answer it and give away what i thought about it which is this --> "Hurt remains base on how you deal with it. But to let go and move on!? You can only let go and move on when you know there's no point in turning back..." Ooppsss! And whoa to my surprised 2 people liked my answer about it.
Oh well, thinking about that kinda stuff for real, its seriously a difficult situation to be in. But now that I'm over that sorta stage in relationship!? I can't avoid but to make a joke out of it. Hehe... Perhaps because I've been there done that sorta thing and have already surpassed and dealt that. So I'm not emotional about it no more.
I just hope for those who are still in it and still hurting and can't afford to let go, my hope for you guys is to have more strength and be smart enough to follow what's on your mind and not what's inside your heart. Yes, it feels like hell to be in that situation, but a shattered heart can always be fixed in time... The key is you have to give importance to yourself and your own happiness so you can afford to let go and stop the hurt inside of you. So no more tears will ever fall again for the same person/reason... Just don't give up trying to let go, 'til the day comes you've already let go everything for good. The Person, the Love and the Hurt it carries along. Move on and don't turn back again...

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Long Dark Tunnel...

My life this past couple of months was one of my most struggling moments in my life. I've ended last year feeling oddly sad and started this year feeling so lonely and alone. That journey felt like i was in a long dark tunnel and seemed like there's no light at the end of that journey i was going through. It was an emotional battle for me for quite a while and i admit i almost gave up. I've lost my self respect at one point and did something i shouldn't have done. I was rebelling in my own self. Many times, I've thought of ending it my way. But i just didn't have the guts to do it. I don't have such courage and couldn't do it. Which I'm so glad right now that i didn't and I'm not like that... But a lot of times that i wished i will never wake up the following day. So when I'm awaken, i always forced myself to go back to sleep. It was so hard for me every morning to at least move out of bed and start another day. And during those first few months was actually the toughest for me. During those times, it was when i wanted to just sleep and stay in my dreams and not wake up with reality. I couldn't even remember waking up feeling good at  all. I was dead weak, so sad and so depressed and didn't care what's going on. For the first time in my life's journey --- I literally lost the will to live during those times.

But what's worst was, i sucked it all in. Because no body in this house knows what i was going through then. What I've been through emotionally & mentally --- They never had a single clue at all. And i couldn't afford to tell them either. The only courage that i had then was the courage to pretend, that i wasn't crashing inside. They might have noticed some changes in me, but they never suspected it as something negative was going on inside of me with my mood swings.
And my attitude towards my career, they thought i was being a slack off. A lazy one with no future anymore. And i couldn't care any less what they were thinking and saying to me. Every time they confronted me about why and how could i stop moving my career forward and be a slacked off, didn't affect me at all. Was only always speechless because they're right. That time when them talking to me my career i was like in a bubble and they were talking to a wall that doesn't have the heart to feel and a mindless one. Yeah i listened to them, but their words just didn't matters to me. It gets in my left ear then went out on my right ear. And i don't speak out anything back at all (but at the back of my mind i wanted to say to them "How i wished I'm dead if you only knew"). Sometimes i don't even looked at them when they talked to me, 'cause all i could see was darkness in front of me. It was just really hard for me to comprehend a thing to move on and definitely one of my most trying times...

And looking back now!? Whew... I went through it!? What a hell!? Hehe.. And I'm so glad i have few friends with whom i can tell how i was really doing and friends who listened to me every time i wanted to vent out during those times. Friend's listening with my drama's without complaints and judging me. And thinking about it now, I'm so grateful for my friends. My closest friends here who's invitation to hang out with me were always right timing and what i needed. My awesome friends Belinda, Jessie and most specially Sherrie. They're the ones who's there with me and for me. Belinda was always there listening when i wanted to vent and encourages me to be strong. She just have no idea how thankful i was when she was always there for me, listening and not shutting me off and not judging me at all. And 'til now she's still there for me and listens to me when i needed someone to talk to. And with Jessie, what's great about her is that she always makes me laugh and eases me and makes me forget what sucks in my life. She always makes me feel lighter and happy every time we talk. She might not know everything, but at times when i couldn't take it and was feeling down and weak. She always uplifts me and makes me feel good, and that everything will be alright with out her even knowing it, that she's already helping me get through that darkness i went by. And I'm also soo grateful to Sherrie. Because she's been there for me and she never left me at all, in spite of what I've done with her before. Specially these past couple of weeks my friend Sherrie made me realized a lot of things.. Things that i should have known after all this time. She's simple an amazing friend to me. No wonder she's always been special to me. She was the one who was there for me before when i was down and at my worst me and changed that and made me feel better and made me very happy then and she's still that same friend now, who made me see through it again and made me realized that I'm not only moving on no more, because I've already moved on and embarking the new journey of my life. Though realizing is a bitter sweet, 'cause it only not made me regret hurting her but i also regret losing her once as everything in my life and made me realized that was one of the biggest mistakes that I've done in life. But on the other hand I'm still glad, because i wouldn't have known it if not for her. I mean, that I've finally moved on. And words are not enough, to explain how happy and thankful i am to them. They all have a part of pulling me out of that long dark tunnel. They all pulled me out and made me believe in myself ones more and gave me hopes to live again. And I love them all sooo dearly.

And so now, I'm just so happy I've ended that dark journey and I'm now ready to face my journey in this world again. Career is doing fine and I'm looking forward to the future and hopes to never ever go back to that long dark tunnel again, specially with the same reason. I will have the guts to kill myself for sure, if I'll go through it over again.

Finally Over It...

Weakness had come to an end
Lonesome days are gone
Certain facet of sadness is finally over
Shattered heart is starting
To be whole as one, ones more
Hurt fades away
As each day passed by
Broken pieces of dreams
And believe in myself and in love,
Have been healed and
Starting to have faith again
No more use crying over spilled milk...
Time to release the pain
And forget the things
That needed to be forgotten
And learn from mistakes.
Time to carry on life
And be happy again...
Glad, I'm finally over it.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Random Phrases I've Read from Love Quotes!

First Phrase is:
"--- Somtimes you just have to put a period to something that has to end and not just settle on a comma. Why? It is because time will come, you’ll realize that it’s nicer to see a complete sentence rather than seeing a phrase that doesn’t make any sense."

And i would have to agree on this. Because a period is a clear statement that it's final and the end of all the things that didn't/doesn't and won't make any sense at all. So why only pause it if it needs an ending!? Right!?

Second Phrase is:
"--- Its tough when someone special starts to ignore you but it’s even tougher to pretend that you don’t mind. Reverse: it’s tough when you start to ignore someone special but it’s even tougher to pretend that it’s not hard."

Yes, it's true. Because its really tough to ignore the obvious and sorta stupid to not follow your instincts. So when someone starts to change and get cold on you and kinda obvious doesn't want you anymore, NEVER ignore it and pretend it's nothing. Because every change of treatment towards you is something. So better deal with it sooner so you won't feel so much more stupid as you already have been by pretending it's nothing. And the reverse of it too? Gosh... It's way tougher. I can't even say anything more, other than it feels like hell. Lol

Third Phrase but not the least:
"--- Nobody can ever promise you that they will never leave you because at one point in time it will happen. It’s just a matter of when."

Lol I now find it too cliche and baloney BullS*** when someone tells you this --> "I'll never leave you or please never ever let me go..."
It's meaningless to me now. Boinx! Gosh!!! Don't speak for tomorrow as if tomorrow is right now, because tomorrow has not yet come. And we can never be sure, of what we feel now is still exactly what we will feel tomorrow. 
Just saying Be Smart enough not to believe every sweet nothing phrases being told to you by somebody you consider "Somebody Special" in you life. Just saying...

Have a great weekends everyone!!! c",)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Just a thought...

There comes a time in our life that even if we're hurting deep inside like hell, we still need to flash a smile and pretend we're fine especially to the person who badly hurts us. We actually need not to always let people know how we are inside, beyond what eyes can see. Perhaps sometimes pretending to be happy and doing fine, is a way to convince ourselves we are really fine and to forget what hurts... And instead, think of things happens for a reason and why things happened that way...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Jailed By The Memories Of You!

I'm jailed by the memories of you. When I've chose to go on my own direction and move on, i thought I'd be freed of you. I thought when i decided to take the road moving away from you, will help me forget about you and one day be freed by your memories. But how come after all this time, you're still on my mind every single day. Memories of you may not be as intense as it used to be, but still i haven't forgotten about you. Memories of you still lingers in me, affects me as if things between us only happened yesterday. Even though i no longer have the urge that i need you and i no longer hope and wishes for us to be together again someday but still, --- you're always running through my mind uncontrollably. Lots of moments, suddenly something out of nowhere reminds me of you. My memories of you never vague at all either. How could i ever forget about you? Would i be jailed by the memories of you 'til my last breath? Is being jailed by your memories my choice, unconsciously? I hope not... Because i really don't want to be jailed by your memories in me for the rest of my life. You made a choice, and so i made a choice as well. You chose to give up us, and not too long after that you also gave up including our friendship and tossed me out and made a clear point you don't care about me anymore... And so that very instance, I've chosen to let go of you and swear to myself that i will forget everything about you, permanently...

*Note: Also posted this on my blogstream account. Uhmm... I wrote this more than a month ago, i think. But didn't post it on here only 'til tonight... Because recently when you tried to be friends with me again, you've proven to me ones more that you still have your ways in me... You got me talking to you again and made me break my own promised to you "That you'll never hear anything from me again. I thought I'm already freed and no longer gets affected by you. But you proved me wrong 'cause in spite of everything that happened between us, i still care what you'd think of me. What's worst is i think I'm still in-love with you. I've never stopped loving you, but i just stopped needing you in my life... Because the feelings i still have for you now, is what reminds me of the hurt you've caused in me then. The love i still feels for you is what makes me remember how you treated me then... Most of all this love is what jailed me by your memories in me...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

"I'm Movin' On" - Rascal Flatts Official Music Video

I'm Moving On... Been Moving On... Will Move On Forever...

I'm moving on.. Been trying to move on. And saying this, doesn't just mean I'm trying to let go the kind of love i have for you. It means I'm moving on totally away from everything we used to have. When you asked me to let go of you, i did it. I gave your freedom and let you go. Because i know i shouldn't force something that doesn't exist anymore or wasn't even there in the first place. But i held onto our friendship though...
Until, even that "Friendship" of ours, you also asked to end it, the only connection that's left between us then. You ditched me like I'm some trash and showed me like our friendship didn't really mattered to you... I know you were already happy then, so even that I'd let go. I had let go everything we had then, even if it's not what i wanted. But i respected your decisions and made a promised i'll never ever bother you again after you pushed me away for that last moment. And so you've never heard from me since then. And I intend to do my promise and keep my word for the rest of my life. I have been keeping my word and never bothered you in any ways and i'll carry on with that for as long as I'm alive. May it be what i wanted or not, but i'll surely stand by my words.
And it's been a couple of months now, since that day we last talked. Or should i say since that last time we argued. Never heard anything from each other. And i hope that will remain forever.
Now I'm the one asking for your favor, Please let me keep my promised and don't try to be friends with me, again. Because when you ditched everything we had and i respected it. I gave you all the space you've asked from me. Got tired of you kept on pushing me away like sh** anyways. So, I'm hoping you won't under estimate my promised. For me a promise isn't made to be broken nor only a word to say but without meaning it. When I promised someone whether i want/like it or now, I do keep what I've promised. Believe me we're better off without each other, even only as a friend. We tried it before not just ones, but we never worked out so this is us now. Stranger to one another. But i think, it's best that way... After all, we've already proved that we can live and still be happy even without any connection from each other. Im not saying it's easy, because it's never been easy for me... But I'm still alive until now. I realized i can live even without you as part of my life. We spared each other from dealing the dramas, so it's best this way. I don't hate you, you're not an enemy for me... But we just can't be friends again, either. I'd be glad if you'd respect my decision and my space from you too. Good Bye!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Wooooo!!!! Finally Found Out What's Wrong....

Woooooooooooooo... Yeesssss!!!!  I'm so glad to have finally found out what's wrong why everytime i try to post my "Comments" wont show up, either on my own blog or on other people's blog here on blogspot unless they're out blogspot, like wordpress and etc....
And i owe this to Skinny.... c",) <3 so Skinny, THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HELP.. :-) That link u showed on me that might help me, really helped me... Wooooooooo.... Yous just have no idea how Happy I am now.. I finally don't feel stupid anymore. hahahahaha
And oh, its not my "Settings" here on blogspot that was wrong why it never showed up my comments at all. It's "FireFox" So using "Windows Explorer" instead coz it works on here. hahahaha
It's so weird though why is it, but right now i just couldn't and don't care either why... Hahahaha... What matters, is that I've finally Found the way for my comment to show up. hahahaha
I'm really happy right now and it shows how glad i am, coz my very first comment was long and i didn't noticed it 'til i was reading what i've posted on my comment in reply to Skinny's comment here on my page.  Yay!!  hahahahahaha

Skinny and Sherry... :-)

Hey Skinny...:) Hahahaha If worst comes to worst!? Ima do what u suggested. hahaha At least i can release my madness through yelling.... hahahah...
Seriously, Thank you so much for trying to help me... :)

Hey Sherry...;) I didn't activate my word verification thing, so it's supposed to be soo simple thing --- write something on "Post a Comment" box, Click the "Select profile" on Comment as: at the bottom of the comment box, then Click Post Comment. That Simple... But, urghhhhhhhh... Everytime i do that on my own blog, It won't show up at all... It never did... :( It's crap...:/ But Thanks anyways for all your suggestions guys... I Really appreciate everyone's suggestions and encouragements to keep finding out how to fix it... c",)

And by the way, I've tried every sorts of possible way that i know to fix it, but still nothing comes up. So I'm feeling hopeless and no other option but to write my replies/comments as another blog.. Boinx! hahaha... Atleast through that way you will all see that I've replied onto your comments... :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

At Skinny.......... :)

Skinny since I've posted this here as "Blog" and not as "Reply/Comment" to your comment here on my page, it's obvious then that when i've tried posting this as reply/comment to your comment, it didn't post on my page... Again... :( Urrgghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! It's hopeless.... Boinx!!!!! :/

Note: This didn't show up on my "Comment" again... :(

Hey Skinny... Thank you very much for trying to help me out with my concerns here... I really appreciate it.:)
Actually we have the same settings except for
4) Take a look at what is shown, and see if you can match things to this:
  b)Who Can Comment - I've selected "Registered Users - Includes OpenID instead of select "Anyone". But i've changed it now to "Anyone" to see if it's the reason why i can't reply to the comments on my own blog. So if this one will show up on page!? then it means it is the problem. Lol But if not, then it isn't the problem at all.
And Yes, I have a post Comment button & the preview button under it... :)
And oh, on "Comment as:" then u got to chose/select profile!? I've tried those different choices as well, but still nothing happens... Unfortunately. And I'm honestly getting more and more frustrated with this, i feel so stupid and naive. hahaha...
Again, THANKS A LOT Skinny... ;)
*Fingers' crossed i hope this will show up....*

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Reply to Whit's and Skinny's Comment on "To Write Love on Her Arms"

 Thanks guys for dropping by my blog and for your comments... :)
 
@ Whit's: I've never heard of it too til that time i posted it here. I also hope it's effective. it's for a good cost...:)
@ Skinny: I like the video as well it's why i shared it on here so more people can see... 'Coz i think it needs more information drive on other mediums as well and not just on youtube and on their on sites... The fact that they're doing it for a good reason. I've even posted it on my facebook account. :)
 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

To Write Love on Her Arms

Let Go... Move On...

If the one you love dearly with all your heart doesn’t love you back the same anymore, that means Let go… It’s not worth it to keep holding on to something that would only keep hurting your feelings inside and make you sad remembering… Letting go of doesn’t mean, ending your happiness in life. It simply means --- Move On to the right track of Happiness in your life… And keep moving on forward ‘til you find the kind of happiness you deserve… Though it's not easy to move on and stop loving the person you love that most, but who says it's easy anyways? Just saying...

Dumb Me!???? Lol

Oh well oh well... Until now i still don't know why my replies/comments still won't show up after doing how it's supposed to be done.
And to all who took some time to post comments on my blogs, THANK YOU ALL!!!:) I appreciate your concerns... But I'm also SORRY 'because all my replies are gone. I've sent it "Successfully" but it never showed up here or if u guys only got it on your email. I really have no idea. So i don't  know at all... Pls let know if you somehow got my reply. :) I hope everything is well with you all...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I need help!

Urghhh!!!! why every time i post a comment on my own blog to reply the ones who posted comments on mine, it won't show up on here? It's making me feel So Stupid. It's supposed to be simple! Grrrrrrrr... I followed how it must be done, but nothing gets posted still. I clearly needs help here. :( I need to know why and what's wrong? Can anybody help me? please...:( It's frustrating not to get a simple thing done, how it's supposed to...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Dumb me! Lol

Gosh! i feel so dumb not being able to see my own reply to the comments i got on here. I wonder where my reply to Pop and Sherry's comments went. Oopss! I certainly have a lot of things to learn around here and get use to... I'm still comparing this from blogstream and how it is much easier and better there. Sorry for being too blunt about this. But I'm quite hoping for better things with this. In fairness I'm starting to like it here, just feeling like I'm still a fledgling blogger here like a neophyte as I really am, that's got a lot to learn around. And it takes time, as what Sherry said. :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Testing

Uhmm.. I'm trying it out here as recommended by friends from blogstream. I'm still feeling a bit weird bout this and still learning how things goes in here, but Im giving this a shot, who knows i might also find home and new and old friends here just like in blogstream. Already found familiar friends from blogstream, so I'm hopeful this could also be blogstream material. :)